Monday, February 4, 2013

This Valentine's be Your Own Valentine ...Part I

Valentine's Day much like other celebrations has fallen prey to "commercialization". The day has evolved from the simple exchange of handwritten letters and cards from the heart and possibly a small sentimental token of one's affection; to a feeling of obligation and/or entitlement for most anyone in a relationship.

Wanting (needing) to be loved and to love someone is part of our human nature. So when Valentine's Day rolls around - not having a special someone to show us love and romance can leave us feeling deflated/unworthy. But, just because one is in a relationship does not guarantee the feeling of being loved, wanted, needed - actually the expectations we set (of our loved one) can end up leaving us unfulfilled and lonely - if our loved one does not meet them.

It's almost as if Valentine's Day has become (perhaps unconscious) benchmark of "how much we are loved". This benchmark is as different as we are individual, for some the simple card with a handwritten note or a phone call is all they need. While others feel they are not loved unless flowers (red roses - long stemmed- at that), fancy dinner out/night on the town, diamonds, pearls or a little orange or blue box is involved.

What I have learned over the years is that one should not depend on another person to feel loved,complete and pampered. After all we are the constant person in our life, as such it is important that we learn to be good to our self on daily basis.

original image Google search ~ edits and Quote addition HHL
The first time this Ah ha moment happened for me, was in 2002 ~ after renting for a number of years (thinking that I should wait until Prince Charming rode in on his horse and we would buy our castle together)  I was getting tired of paying someone else's mortgage and was looking into taking the plunge into home ownership. At this time I had been in a relationship with someone on and off for a couple years, who for the most part spent 90% of his time, when not working or being out with friends, at my apartment (and contributed nothing). When I brought up the subject of buying a home - this person tried their best to talk me out of it. To make a long story short - with the help of a dear girl friend, I found a home I was comfortable with and made the deal on my own. When I shared my joy with then boyfriend - he went ballistic, how could I do this without him? As my girl friend had said as I signed the deal, "you know this is going to be the end of your relationship" to which I smiled and responded "Yes, and I'm going to be a home owner". I would learn later that he wasn't in a financial/emotional position to leave the comfort of his parent's home - and to think that I was, well that just wasn't going to happen (if he had anything to do with). Almost 11 years later I still own that home, he last I heard still lives with his parents.

The day I moved into my home I realized that only I could make my dreams a reality and that was the day I promised to love and take care of myself - not depending on someone else to make me happy, feel loved or nurtured. By really loving myself (and respecting myself) I became more satisfied internally and externally and thus I attracted more love, happiness and abundance into my life.

Much has happened since 2002 and I sometimes find myself walking slightly off my Ah ha moment path, these past few of years (since my accident in 2007). But, just like in 2002 only when I truly (unconditionally) believe in myself, nurture, and love myself ~ can my dreams become reality. Loving one's self means accepting yourself as you are at this very moment - and loving and accepting both your strengths and limitations.

Join me for tea later this week - and I'll share some ways to rekindle the Romance with yourself.





8 comments:

  1. there is so much truth here. we cannot expect anyone
    else to make us happy. we have to BE happy, ourselves.
    but, it is no fun being lonely . . .

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dearest Celia,
    That was a very brave and SMART move. Let's hope you are still friends with that dear and honest girl friend! Those are the people that help us at our hinge moments, that encourage our innermost feelings. Yes, you were lucky for respecting yourself and your gut feeling enough for moving forward. Good for you; your soul was in kick boxing mode as well. It does pay off for fighting yourself free and by doing so once, it ongoing will give you the courage to tackle big bumps in the road ahead. It is not all rose fragrance and moonshine in life.
    Hugs to you and compliments for this great post!
    Mariette
    gplus.to/MariettesBacktoBasics

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh yes, we should learn to love ourself first...
    before we can love somebody else.
    I'm with you,
    V Day is now too commercialized and other people without a partner seems to dread this day.

    ReplyDelete
  4. GREAT POST:)
    Your blog is so wonderful and Im following...I hope you follow me also:)

    If you want to see a beautiful Swedish home..check out my blog:)

    Have a lovely week dear

    LOVE Maria at inredningsvis.se
    (sweden)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Celia,
    I love this post! I was married at 23 and started a family at 25--from my parents home to college to married life...learning to love and value MYSELF has been an evolving process in my life, as it seemed for many years that the needs of everyone else came before my own--including peer pressure from siblings, expectations of parents and in-laws, other parents, meeting the needs of my husband and children...I'm really grateful that God hooked me up with some brilliant role models who helped me to become more centered and take a look at my own needs. It must have been an awesome moment for you to become a homeowner and do it on your own. We are looking for a house for our Ashley right now and perhaps very soon she will realize that dream, as an independent woman. I want that for her--to realize some of her own dreams on her own, before she meets her prince charming--and to know that she is autonomous. xoxo. love to you. PS: You should be getting my package by mid-week....I sent it two days ago.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ha! Well.. glad you moved on and isn't it sad and unfortunate for him that he has NOT? Many people blame others for what they are missing in life. They need to turn it around.. or look in the mirror. THEY ~ not YOU are the ones that need to grow up or change their ways.

    Love and respect of SELF is so important for happiness and success in life.

    Celia,
    I'll be mentioning you on my next #linesallowed post if that's still okay. Let me know if there is anything specific you want me to address. I think I still have your email.

    Happy Monday.
    leslie

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh Miss C! This was so wonderful. Such memories it evoked! I, too, bought my first home with much the same thought process - realizing I wanted my own home even if Prince C never showed up. I bought my second home a year prior to meeting Alpha Hubby. I also had the epiphany that I was valuable and precious and if some man didn't know that, he didn't deserve being in my life space. Although Alpha Hubby does an incredible job, I am looking forward to rekindling the romance with myself! Great post!!

    ReplyDelete

Inspiring Comments ~ Your comments are most appreciated and may not only motivate & inspire me, but make a difference in the lives of other readers...HHL