As the calendar flips over to October and the days start to creep towards the 28th, the years post accident have seen me slip back into a state of numbness that will continue it's roller coaster of emotions through to the next October 28th. A never ending cycle of ups and downs, with small glimmers of hope along the Detour, I've been travelling in my life for the past 4 years.
If you are a new reader of Falling Off A High Heeled Life you can read about my Detour Here.
This year something interesting has been happening ...almost like a feeling of spring cleaning! The month of October 2011 has been filled with anxiety and there continues to be some I just can't get out of bed days. But these come and go without the episodes, as I have named them (the terrifying emotional and mental break downs ~ to the point of not wanting to leave the house let alone continue to live), which keep me prisoner of the never ending cycle.
This year it's like I'm throwing open a window
and trying to breathe.
Having not experienced this feeling in previous years around this time (or any other time, for that matter), I turned to a close friend for her thoughts. What she shared was quite interesting, she pointed out that this October 28th, will mark the fifth anniversary of my accident. OK and.???...( I thought), she went on to tell me about a Diane Sawyer interview with some of the family members of victims from September 11th, 2001, she had seen.
This interview was conducted at the fifth anniversary of September 11th. Diane said it was noticeable that the fifth anniversary had seem to bring change in the progress of the family members, when it came to their grief. They were finally showing signs of looking forward to a new future and it was clear they were entering a new phase.
Could I too be entering a new phase of dealing with my grief at the loss of parts of myself and life? Is there finally a bend in this road I've been on Detour, leading me down a new path? Is the discovery (creating) of the NEW me coming within reach? What ever it may be, I'm looking forward and that my friends is a definite change.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank each of you who read my posts, and for all your sweet words of encouragement. When friends and family could not reach anything within me, and at times I was lost beyond words; it was the citizens of BlogLand who through their own inspiring posts, and stories made me realize, I needed to write, share my experiences and reach out to others. There is a purpose for me having survived, I just need to keep my mind open to new things....
Here's to the next 12 months, Bring it on!!
" Out of Clutter find Simplicity;
From Discord find Harmony;
In the middle of Difficulty lies Opportunity." ~ Albert Einstein
On Friday October 28th, 2011, I will be doing my First Guest Post! Thank you Jessica, writer of the blog The Entertaining House, for inviting me. I hope you will stop by for a visit, discover Jessica's blog (if you haven't already) which is filled with great posts on Fashion , Living and what really matters at the end of it all! I will be sharing some things I have learned in these past few years on the journey to Who Will I Be Now.